From My Point of View

I'm sure by now many of you have realized that Courtney wrote the first post.  Also, I'm fairly certain by now that many of you are wondering what I am thinking about everything that's going on.  Let me be clear Courtney and I are in agreement about everything that she said in the original post; this is just me taking a slightly different spin on it.  This is looking at the situation "from my point of view."

I haven't exactly kept it a secret that one of the things I wanted to do as I grew older and became a father was to be able to play basketball (or any sport) with my children and coach their rec basketball (or another sport) teams.  I wanted to do that because my dad had done that for me, and it was one of the things that I feel was important to me and made me feel important to my dad.  However, while I am not writing it out of the question that Trae would like to and would find a way to play basketball, that likelihood is unlikely.  One of my grand dreams of being a father is, for all intensive purposes, gone.

I don't know why I was holding on to this dream, though, or that it's surprising that I am going to have to give it up.  There have been many times in my life when God's plans and my dreams have conflicted, and I have had to give my dreams over to Him.  In high school, I wanted to play basketball for the school, and I did for one year.  However as a sophomore, I was cut from the JV squad.  I wanted a degree from my favorite college, Virginia Tech.  I got in, but I messed around while I was there and was eventually suspended.  I dreamed of having a calm life without any great tragedies.  That, too, was going pretty well until April 16, 2007.

Many people know what happened on April 16, and for those of you who do, please indulge me for a second as I fill in those who don't.  On that day, a gunman went on a rampage on the campus of Virginia Tech.  By the end of the day, thirty students and professors had been shot and killed, plus the shooter.  One of those killed was my good friend Stack.  Most people knew him as Ryan, but to me and my friends in the Marching Virginians, he'll always be Stack.  He was an RA, and he was one of the first ones who was killed.  He was just doing his job as an RA when it happened, and it wouldn't be a lie to say that there were things that he did that I hoped I could do just as well him.  He was pursuing a double major, in the band, an RA, in other clubs, and still found a way to maintain a 4.0 GPA.  And then, he was just gone.

Some of you, maybe even all of you, are wondering at this point what these things have to do with Trae.  Well, I'm getting to that; this wasn't just a rabbit trail.  Each of these times I had to give a dream over to God, I have found that He has given it back.  I have truly experienced what Paul says in Ephesians 3:20a, "to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine."  I now play basketball at Milligan College, something I never imagined was attainable for someone who only played one year of high school ball and is seven years out of high school.  He led me to Milligan, a place I had never heard of, but one that has proven to be a blessing many times over.  The shooting at Tech He used to bring me even closer to Him.

It should be becoming clearer what this has to do with Trae.  I trust that, even though I am having to give up the dream of playing basketball with my son, He'll give it back, someway and at sometime.  Who knows, maybe Trae will end up playing basketball with his old man.

He's fearfully and wonderfully made...

Okay, so I've done it...I have started a blog.  I'm not someone who would make things public like this but our unborn son wants you all to know about how God made him special and how his mommy and daddy are preparing for his arrival.  With that said, this is Trae's story...

The week of Thanksgiving 2011 we found out that we were expecting our first child! Things were going and continue to go well.  On February 29, 2012 we found out that our little bundle was a little boy! Having already picked a name we immediately started calling him by his name Trae (short for Richard Thomas III).  The nurse conducting the ultrasound on that day was quiet.  I asked many questions which she answered...but once the doctor, Dr. James, came in she informed us that there were some concerns about his limbs.  First his arms were described as short and his femur (leg bone) was shorter than normal.  It also looked as if he had clubbed feet as they were swollen.  Finally his legs were turned out, or in a frog like position.  She explained that this could be a positioning issue and recommended that we have another ultrasound in three to four weeks with a different doctor.  I appreciated her explanation and her humbleness to suggest that another doctor should take a look.  We were sent on our way with encouraging words and a challenge to remain positive.  Luckily, we already had an appointment with our regular OB for the monthly check.  We called everyone we knew to start praying for God's will and for strength to be able to handle whatever He had in store for us and little Trae.

On March 1, 2012 we met with our regular OB, Dr. Sarkodie.  She did her regular questioning and inquired about our ultrasound.  We told her that we had it the day before this appointment; she told us that she did not have the reports from the doctor.  Thomas and I explained what had been expressed to us, she immediately called for the nurse so that she could hunt down the reports.  After reviewing it, she confirmed that there were some concerns and that they had nothing to do with his position.  She began providing us with a lot of information.  Basically, she said that this would be a chromosomal issue.  Our doctor scheduled us for a follow up ultrasound with another doctor, who had more experience reading ultrasounds, for March 5 - the following Monday.  She also recommended that I have a "QUAD screen" in which I would have blood drawn to test for some chromosomal disorders including Spina Bifida, Down's Syndrome, etc.  Thomas and I both realized at this point that it was definite, our child is going to have deformities.  We did not know what all this would mean and the hardest thing for me to stomach was the fact that the doctor could not tell us anything about his ability to be viable outside of the womb.  We emphasized to our doctor that no matter what all of this means we are supporting Trae's life whether that is for a day or a lifetime.  She was very supportive of this decision and agreed to help us get connected with additional doctors as needed to help us prepare for his birth and life.  Thomas and I left and began the mourning process...we mourned the idea of having a "normal" child.  To remain positive we focused on the fact that all of his organs were forming normally including his spine and heart.  God kept reminding me of Psalm 139:13-16...

 ¹³ For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
   when I was made in the secret place,
   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
   all the days ordained for me were written in your book
   before one of them came to be. 

We spent the weekend with our families processing the information we had.  Thomas and I got to a place of complete positivity and peace.  God has allowed us to have this child, His child, and we would be able to handle whatever needs he had.  

Today, March 5, we had the follow up ultrasound and met with a new doctor, Dr. Welt.  He looked at the ultrasound and confirmed that Trae has no arms; his hands are located at the shoulder.  Trae's legs are in an odd position but his feet were not clubbed, only swollen.  This swelling is due to too much space between the two lower leg bones (fibula and tibia) at the knee.  Normally they would be closer together and wouldn't be as free to move as Trae's are, explaining the strange leg positioning. The cartilage for Trae's knee will not form until about 38 weeks (18 weeks from now) but if this forms then the lower leg bones will be pulled together reducing the swelling.  Trae was diagnosed with a genetic syndrome called Phocomelia Syndrome.  This accounts for his arm abnormalities.

God knows what he is doing and we have full faith in that.  Sorry this initial post was so long but everyone should be up to date.  With this blog I plan to keep everyone informed of his growth and development from now (gestational age 19 1/2 weeks) through birth and beyond, as best as I can.  God will be glorified through the life of Trae. I only pray that we will also glorify Him as we parent the child He gave us.